I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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