It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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