Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
