But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
