i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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