now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
