meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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