her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
