I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
