Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
