Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
