At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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