She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
