i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
