you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
