dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
