i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
