She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
