I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
