When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
