so explain again why im purple
no
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
worst night to have a conscience
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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