she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
