Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
