I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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