I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
