Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
