The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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