Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
