i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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