Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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