im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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