nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
