ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
