OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
