hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
