Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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