There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
