Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
