I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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