Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
