My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
