I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
