I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
