Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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