things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
