Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just tell him i said nine months
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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