his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
