They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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