Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
