Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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