A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
