South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
