Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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