idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
cat food counts as protein by the way
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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