And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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