you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
